"Losing Sight"

"Losing Sight"

~A Short Story~

I loved everything about her. I loved the way she ordered the same black coffee every morning except on Fridays, because Fridays she said “should have a little oomph.” I loved the way she sang in the car on long drives. I loved the way she looked off to the side when she giggled because she was a little shy. I loved that girl. Every single thing about her and yet I let her slip away. I let her drift off to find someone else. I would give anything to hear her sing again or make her laugh but I would never get those things. I knew deep in my soul that I’d be forced to wander Earth for the rest of my days as a lost man, a broken man.

The first day I met her it was at the coffee shop on the corner of 5^th street. She was bouncing her hips to the tune of Coltrane playing throughout the café.  I had an urge to touch her hair that curled to the middle of her back. Those reddish brown curls looked unbelievably soft. There were two other men in between us both staring at her ass. Though who was I to judge that’s where my eyes kept travelling as well. When it was her turn to order she bounced up to the corner ordering her tall black coffee and chit chatting with the barista as if she were a friend. The barista handed her the coffee and when she turned to leave I was frozen. Bright coral blue eyes shone at me for just a second as she flashed a brilliant smile. Then she was out the door, gliding down the sidewalk.

“Sir are you going to order?” I heard the barista’s voice behind me. I must have been staring at the corner she disappeared around for a while because the two men in front of me had already ordered.

“Yes a macchiato please no cream.” I said embarrassed.

The barista handed me my drink and I turned to leave.

“She comes in every morning by the way.” I heard the barista again.

“Excuse me?” I asked

“The woman you were staring after, she comes in every morning.” She repeated.

I gave the barista a soft smile of thanks. I left knowing that I would come to this coffee shop every day until I got the nerve to speak to her. I got the nerve three days later and asked her out. I was lucky enough to spend the next six months with her. I fell head over heels in love. I wanted to know everything about her, all of her passions and obsessions. I learned what she loved and made it my mission to make every day special, at least for the first month or so.

She was vibrant and full of life and I felt as if I couldn’t go a day without seeing her. I would bring her flowers to work, take her to her favorite museum, and cook her favorite meals. I did everything I could think of to make her love me the way I loved her and it worked. After a month of blissful dating she told me she loved me. I felt like the happiest man in the world. For the next month we spent every waking moment together, making love under the stars, in the park, wherever we could really. We took a trip to Colorado and I taught her how to ski, she learned to make my favorite dessert and perfected the recipe. We were in love and something in the back of my head told me I no longer had to worry, this girl was mine.  

I could sit here and make excuses for what happened over the next four months but the truth of it is that I got lazy. Here I had chased after this beautiful enigmatic woman but once the mystery was solved on my part I stopped chasing. I should have never chased her to begin with she wasn’t some animal to be hunted, no she was an art piece to be admired and treasured. Over the next four months she continued learning everything she could about me, and did her absolute best to make sure I smiled at least once a day. She overwhelmed me with love, spoiling me, taking care of me, encouraging me and I reveled in it. I loved her but I was too lazy to show her how much I loved her.

I stopped bringing her flowers, I stopped taking her to the places she loved, and I stopped cooking. I just kept telling myself she loves me and that’s all that matters. But love is not just a feeling it is a continuous action that we display in many different ways. I did not understand that concept until the day my love walked out the front door. We had been arguing about doing more as a couple, growing together, and compromising. I was content to do things my way and she wanted me to put more effort into doing things our way. That was the worst part. She was never selfish throughout the whole process, she only wanted things to be better for us. It was never about just her, it was always about us.

The day she left we’d started arguing again. She woke up that day threw on a pretty pale pink dress, did her hair the way I liked and declared we’d being going out on the town for the day. I told her that I’d gotten us tickets to the baseball game and that she’d probably want to change out of her dress into something more casual. She looked so put down in that moment as if she were defeated. I remember thinking why does she look so sad I love baseball. She started to tell me how she felt our relationship was one sided that she felt like she was just a piece in my story instead of us making our own story. I of course belittled her response and told her not to be so emotional. She walked up stairs and I assumed she’d be changing to go to the game but when she came back down she was still in that pale pink dress with her brown leather luggage bag in her hand.

“What are you doing?” I asked shocked

“I’m leaving. I can’t do this anymore, I love you with all my heart and I would do anything to keep this relationship strong and beautiful but it doesn’t just take one person.” She said a single tear streaming down her face

“Well I’m here aren’t I? I’m a part of this relationship I can’t believe you would just leave all because I want to go to the baseball game.” I said getting angry.

“I’m not leaving because of the baseball game, I’m leaving because you’re content with “I” and I need an “Us”.” She said as she walked past me and through the door.

I was so angry with her still convinced that she left because of a baseball game. I called a friend offered him the other ticket calling her a selfish bitch and went to the game anyways. It was there at the game in about the 6^th inning that I realized what she meant. Over the last four months I couldn’t remember a time that I’d asked what she wanted to do or done anything for just the joy of seeing her smile. I had chased her and gotten her to fall in love with me and then I gave up. I gave up on seeing her smile as she looked at one of her favorite paintings, I gave up on seeing her eyes light up at the sight of a new book I’d bought her, I gave up on showing her I loved her and in turn gave up on us.

I still went to the same coffee shop everyday but she never showed. Then a few weeks ago I was walking down Main St on my way to a meeting when I saw familiar curls through a coffee shop window. She was standing in line waiting to order her black coffee with a pump of caramel because today was Friday. She looked hauntingly beautiful and for a moment I thought I’d go in but then I saw a man walk up next to her and put his arm around her waist. After all it had been several months and I never tried calling. She looked happy. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I thought I loved that girl. I loved everything about her.

 

-Maggie V.